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Wednesday, April 24, 2024
ContributorI have had two abortions and, if you're anti-choice, we can't be...

I have had two abortions and, if you’re anti-choice, we can’t be friends.

I have had two abortions and, if you’re anti-choice, we can’t be friends.

The first pregnancy resulted from sexual assault, although it wasn’t quite as crystal clear as that to me at the time. I was young. The boy lied and said he used a condom. He did not. I got pregnant. He denied it was his. He was the only boy I’d slept with at the time so it was undeniable. He denied I was even pregnant and never talked to me again. His father threatened my mother when she tried to sort it out. There was no way in hell I was going to give birth in that scenario. I still had years of college to complete. I never wanted kids anyway. I certainly didn’t want to have one with someone who tricked me, treated me cruelly, and threatened my family.

For the second pregnancy, I was head over heels in love and planned to marry the person. So, when I did accidentally get pregnant, we decided we’d keep it if it was viable.

It was not.

I had an ectopic pregnancy. There was no way it could survive. They cannot transplant ectopic pregnancies into the womb to make them viable. If left untreated, both will die. If I could not have had an abortive pill then, I would not be alive today to write these words.

I felt when it died. The spark of life snuffed out like a candle flame. But it was not viable. There was nothing to be done about it.

Oddly enough, I never felt the first pregnancy. I had no idea until my mother pointed out the symptoms and had me take a test. I was truly shocked. I felt nothing. But the second time I knew the moment it happened.

What does that mean? I have no idea but it has forced me to draw a line in the sand. What do I consider a life? When do I consider something else’s life over my own body?

For me, especially after the second pregnancy, it’s viability, but to me that extends to… If it can survive outside the womb then it is a baby. Before that, it is merely a clump of cells. Even if there’s a spark, even if there’s a feeling, if it’s not viable, it’s not a separate human life. If it can’t exist outside my body, then it is of my body, and if it is of my body, then it is my choice and my choice alone.

For example, let’s say they determine that the only way to stop unwanted pregnancies was to stop it at the source: semen. What if they wrote a law that called for mandatory vasectomies that could only be reversed if proof was provided that someone was ready to be a parent?

Would you scream, “My body, my choice?”

All we want is body autonomy. All we ask is to be able to make our own decisions about what we do with our own bodies. Just because we have a life inside us, does not mean that anyone else should ever have any say over what we do with our bodies. Let medical professionals sort that out. Religion and politics have no place in my doctor’s office.

YOU disliking what I choose or YOUR religion going against it has absolutely no bearing on what I choose to do with my body and my life. Nor should it.

We have a separation of church and state for a reason.

We have freedom of (and from) religion for a reason.

My body. My choice.

And if your choice is to take my choice away? Well, then we aren’t friends anymore. There’s my other line now drawn in the sand.


By Melissa St. Hilaire



  1. Smart women know how to be responsible owner/opertors of the baby oven. No one prevents anyone from saying, “no”. Most toddlers perfect the ability. There certainly are times when an abortion may be necessary but less than 1% are as the result of rape, incest, etc. Keeping your legs together would greatly reduce the need for abortions. Yes, men have some responsibility, but the woman, who holds the keys to paradise, has the final, bottom line responsibility. The elimination of Roe V. Wade doesn’t eliminate the opportunity to get an abortion, you just might have to travel a bit more to get one. It’s a states issue now. And I’ll remember, “my body my choice” next time you demand I wear a mask or get vaccinated.

    • No. This is on you. Women don’t impregnate themselves. You’re the problem. Don’t tell us to keep our legs closed when you’re the ones forcing us to have sex and lying to us about using condemns. That is not the fault of an 18 year old girl. That is your fault and everyone like you. You will not shame me into submission. You will bend to my power.

      • Certainly women don’t impregnate themselves, but to blame others for what you allowed to happen is on you. No one forced you to say yes. You can say no. Take responsibility for your actions. Don’t sleep with someone who lies to you and if you aren’t 100% sure, say no. DUH!

  2. I agree with you Melissa that women are denied the right to choose motherhood or not, and nobody has the right to do so. However, at some point this helpless boy or girl inside the womb has to be protected too. Instead of going all or nothing, why not draw the line beyond 1st trimester when the fetus is a “clump of cells” and no bigger than an almond. That way, a woman is not forced into motherhood, and from the 2nd trimester or 4th month when the cells do begin to morph into a baby, it is protected.

    • Science says life begins at conception and that’s when a woman is “forced” into motherhood. You’re proposing killing that human life you call a “clump of cells” which you deem unimportant enough to protect. Can I decide who is unimportant to protect?

    • To Nalla, I see compromise here but I would leave it to medical professionals to decide, not a layperson, politician, or religious leader.

      • Medical professionals say life begins at conception. Any abortion after that murders a child. If a parent hasn’t taught their 18 YO daughter to say “no” that’s on the parents, and still the woman has the last say. Remember, it’s her body.

        • Don, let’s be clear that you are espousing Republican beliefs. The Republican Party claims to be Pro-Life, but is really just pro-pregnancy. After the baby is born, Republicans do not care about the children in this country. A recent example was the $300/month subsidy for children that was in Biden’s Build Back Better plan that every Republican Senator voted against. Other Republican beliefs that you likely share are that trickle-down economics works, and that Global Warming is not something we should do anything about, and Trump did not try to overthrow the government.

          • No Rob, you’re wrong. I’m expressing science and the law. Your post is simply anoetic partisan parrotspeak, not worthy of my time.

    • Too bad you are so intolerant of other people’s opinions. Must be a liberal. Me, as a conservative, I may not agree with your opinion, but that won’t prevent me from considering you as a friend. We can agree to disagree. Intolerance is a hateful thing. Does spreading hate do any good for anyone?


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